If We Pitched It: The Spider-Man Reboot

Last week, Sony announced that our favorite webslinger was going back to high school in a newly-confirmed reboot project, which would roll Parker’s story back to his teen years and start completely from scratch with another origin story.

Today, it’s been confirmed (500) Days of Summer director Marc Webb will helm the new project, which has a shockingly low $80 million budget.

The reboot, of course, means no Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire or Kirsten Dunst.

That doesn’t read like too big of a loss to us, and many comic fans would say that they were never exactly in love with the casting either. Personally, when the idea was rumored to be in consideration, I thought it made perfect sense to keep adding new blood into the mix.

Don’t get me wrong, Sam Raimi was a great director for the series, but to me, he always wanted to direct Superman more.

Under his direction, Spider-Man became this New York icon that he wasn’t. He wanted to make Spidey this larger-than-life hero that always did the right thing in the end, and once he did, the whole city of New York would be on his side.

I don’t know if it was just the 9/11 zeitgeist at work or something more. Safe to say that this was NOT the Spider-Man with a 40+ year continuity of rich storylines and three-dimensional characters.

With this in mind, we have our own ideas of what a Spider-Man reboot should look like. These are our thoughts:

Get Parker Right, The Rest Will Follow

We’ve learned the Spider-Man reboot already has a script, written by Zodiac scribe James Vanderbilt, so that gives us some indication of how the new film will go down.

Sony’s decision to focus on the teenage version of Peter Parker has ignited fan fury in some circles. (Graeme McMillan of io9 has an excellent take on this move here.)

When any character has been running as long as Spidey, there are several incarnations of the character to choose from.

Even in the first few years of the comic, Peter transforms from a socially awkward nerd into a chique young man. Raimi’s Spider-Man was still being spitballed in college of all places (third movie, opening scene).

Above all else, while Peter Parker’s life may have had its ups and downs, Spider-Man never changed. For Peter, Spider-Man was a release, not a duty or a chore. There was some serious Freudian pop psych going on behind that mask.

We understand Raimi was never a fan of anything but the Silver Age Spider-Man, but why did he still fail to get the most important traits of Spidey — namely his detective skills and frequent wisecracks — when every run kept them?

Tobey was always too ”ah shucks” to be that Parker, but we assume the new movies are leaning on the popular “Ultimate Spider-Man” line, in which, yes, Parker is a geeky teenager once again. A guy with those kinds of social problems is bound to find Spider-Man to be some form of catharsis. We just ask that it be hilarious.

Don’t Cast Another Blonde As A Redhead

In fact, don’t add Mary Jane at all.

One of the biggest complaints levied at the Raimi films was Kirsten Dunst’s Mary Jane. A girl like MJ was supposed to be out of Peter’s league. Good looks, a socialite, class… like that girl in your senior class who was both in drama and student council president: an extravert.

It made sense at the time, since in the comics, Parker was actually married to MJ (until a retcon changed this) and had been for a long time. Our point is that it didn’t happen overnight.

In fact, Parker’s life is filled with a variety of women, including the already mentioned MJ, his first love, Gwen Stacy, his boss’s secretary, Betty Brant, Felicia Hardy AKA the Black Cat. Then there’s his poor old aunt.

Apparently, Raimi realized the gravity of the mistake he made with Dunst, so in Spidey 3 Bryce Dallas Howard (a natural redhead) was brought in as Gwen Stacy, who exuded more of MJ’s sensibilities. Spider-Man 4 would’ve apparently involved Felicia Hardy as well.

Whoever’s directing the reboot this time, don’t jump the gun. And if you’re going to cast MJ, get her RIGHT.

Please Keep That Mask On!

As I mentioned earlier, Raimi was never shy about making Spider-Man a larger-than-life hero. He wanted us to believe that Spider-Man wasn’t just about Peter Parker. It was really the capacity inside all of us to do the right thing. Okay, good job. You got across the point of every superhero comic.

I didn’t have a problem with this at all, but I drew the line when people started throwing beer cans at the Green Goblin from the Washington Bridge. That’s absurd. So is a car full of New Yorkers standing up to an eight-armed mad scientist who hijacks the train.

I also don’t hate the fact that his secret was known to his closest friends: it opened up some exciting possibilities. But wouldn’t you think having a secret identity has its own complications as well?

Take a lesson from Nolan’s Batman or V For Vendetta here.

Have Fun, But Do What’s Right By The Comics!

Perhaps the saving grace of the Spider-Man movies was that they respected the tone of the comics. I don’t care what adjustments the filmmakers make to the mythos and neither should anyone else. You do what’s right for the material, not try to tack on a different style.

I’ll be glad to lose Sam Raimi’s B-movie homages but here — at least at first — he understood.

Why did Nolan’s Batman movies work?

Everyone thinks it was because they were gritty and darker takes on the character, but this is a red herring. They were returning to the character’s roots! Schumacher’s movies made a mockery of their source material. Nolan was getting back to the basics.

Jon Favreau’s Iron Man was a breakout hit for the same reason.

Audiences aren’t looking for realism or utopian fantasy at any given moment, rather they simply expect the movies to deliver on their own premise. And if that premise is as laughable as Spider-Man’s, then so be it.

It doesn’t matter if you’re Sam Raimi or Marc Webb. If you’re directing a Spider-Man movie, these are your foremost concerns.